Fri 27 Jun 2008
a is for alcohol
Posted by thejinius under Uncategorized
Since retiring my dreams of being a back up dancer for Justin Timberlake, I’ve decided that I should probably try a more pragmatic career option. One that I actually have some talent and expertise in.
And then it hit me.
A kindergarten teacher!
I think teaching kindergarten would be great for me because:
a) I’m guaranteed to be taller than all the students
b) I’m good at arithmetic. As long as I can teach them that 1+1 does not equal poop, then they will be fine.
c) I’ll be molding the young minds of America. (pause) BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
d) Kindergarteners get nap time. I LOVE nap time.
e) Um, hello, haven’t you people seen Kindergarten Cop? Best! Movie! Ever! This will give me an excuse to say, “KIDS, WE AH GOING TO PLAY AH GAME. WHO’S YOUR DAHHDY AND VAT DOES HE DOOOO.” And I’ll win their affections by bringing a pet ferret to class and everything will be going swimmingly until the day that the estranged father of one of my students gets out of prison and hunts me down.
But I was looking at the eligibility requirements and you have to be a US citizen or greencard holder to teach in New York City. Drats. I guess the public school system does not feel comfortable with an immigrant teaching English. I can speaks English!
This just reinforces the fact that I should just marry someone and get my greencard. The only problem is that I actually have to convince a dude to marry me. Perhaps I will use that as my pickup line tonight.
“Hey, do you wanna marry me so I can become a kindergarten teacher?”
June 27th, 2008 at 10:02 am
I think dancing for Justin Timberlake has the same requirements, plus a graduate degree. I saw it on VH1.
June 27th, 2008 at 10:20 am
this stings. like lemon on a paper cut.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I want a green card too! Let me know if you cook up a successful scheme to secure one.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Uh, I know I’m new, but I’ve been reading the archives, and I got the impression you grew up in Florida. How do you still not have a greencard or citizenship? what kind of passport do you have?
June 27th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Oy. First off, kindergarten rocks. I taught middle school myself (welcome to the 7th circle of hell), but as a grad student I got to observe student teachers in kindergarten classes, and it’s just tops. Playing=learning. That’s how it should be. At some stupid point we turn it into a chore–sit in your assigned seat, memorize facts about this subject at this time, be graded (ranked) according to these standards, shut up, don’t question, blah blah blah. That’s lame.
Second, it’s surprising that NYC would disallow non-native-born citizens to teach, considering the diverse backgrounds of our students (I’m in Texas, and even here there are elementary schools with students from 30 some different cultures and languages). Plus–and here’s the kicker–a lot of teachers suck. They hide behind the title of teacher and become jaded, lazy, unhappy hoop-jumpers who don’t really teach anymore.
Perhaps they consider a “foreigner” a terrorist threat. I’m not even joking. Lotta assholes in this country.
June 28th, 2008 at 2:51 am
In my Australian ignorance, I shall plead “dumb” and ask - what’s a green card?
June 29th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Jimmy in Ms. Beacon’s class: “My teacher’s the best. She brings us cupcakes and tells us stories about space exploration.”
Harold in Ms. Jinius’ class: “No way, MY teacher is the best. She brings us tequila shots and tells us stories of late night booty calls and hangovers.”
June 29th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
jack- i certainly will!
flash-ugh it’s a long, boring story that im not sure i really understand
moxie-hah 7th circle of hell. yeah not sure if i can deal with kids going thru their hormonal changes. i wish work=play as well.
cyphix-uhh it might be more useful to just google it. i might give the wrong answer lol
food marathon- i would start off with shots of milk! gotta ease them into it!
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
take the toy BACK TO THE CAAHPET!