So my baby brother and his girlfriend are coming to ny tomorrow and staying with me for five nights. FIVE. While most siblings would probably be elated at the idea of their baby brother visiting them, i have greeted this with stress and anxiety.

The thing about my family is that they always, ALWAYS, see me as their benevolent donor, willing to lend my money, my apartment, my time to whenever they need it. And being the dutiful daughter/sister has just further cultivated their dependence on my assistance. If they had a marshall plan for families then i’m pretty sure i could write the charter. Except the Marshall Plan eventually lifted Europe out of their economic woes. I still have no idea how to make my family less dependent.

It doesn’t even cross my brother’s mind that maybe five nights at my small nyc apartment would just be a tad inconvenient. And on top of that, I asked him what his plans are during his stay and he said that since I live in New York, he figured that I could just show them around. Oh, and he’s only bringing a total of 300 bucks with him which means guess who is paying for everything else during his trip?

And while I am sitting here complaining about it, I also feel immensely guilty. Guilty that I am complaining. That I’m a horrible sister and a horrible daughter and why can’t I just show my brother and his girlfriend a good time?

My brother has always accused me of being selfish. And I guess it’s because once I left Miami I never really looked back. Meanwhile, he’s still in college, working two jobs, and even paying for his own plane ticket as well as his girlfriend’s. So I can’t accuse him of taking advantage of me.

I don’t know. I guess family is just stressful. Especially my family. And sometimes it’s just easier to send them aid from a distance then having to actually interact them.

I don’t know what is worse: being completely unaware of your own brattiness or being aware of it and continuing to act like it anyway.

I think I answered my own question.