Tue 22 Jul 2008
born again
Posted by thejinius under growing up
My first lie was about going to church.
My family and I lived in an area of Miami, Florida that was predominantly Cuban. We, along with the people who worked at the one Chinese restaurant, were the only Asians in the area and probably the entire state. I was six years old and thought spanish was the national language of America and that everyone ate arroz con pollo.
My parents enrolled me at a Christian private school even though they were both Buddhists. I don’t think my parents cared if the school inculcated biblical lessons as long as they taught me how to read. But aside from the morning prayers, my school wasn’t that pious. My teacher even read us Charlotte’s Web after lunch. And even though I was the only Asian kid at a Christian school, I still felt like I belonged. My class was small–about six kids–and we were all friends. We didn’t see any differences. We just all played together during recess.
But then one Monday morning this would all change.
My teacher asked each student to tell the class what they did that weekend.
Most of the stories varied and involved some kind of family outing like the beach or the zoo. But they all shared one common activity. Each student mentioned that on Sundays they went to church with their family. My turn was coming up and I didn’t know what to say. My family did not go to church on Sundays. My family and I went to McDonalds and ate hotcakes. I grew nervous. Would my teacher yell at me if I said we didn’t go to church? Would she tell the principal and have me kicked out? Would the other kids still play with me? Would everyone think I was some impostor and have me shipped back to Korea?!?!
So when my turn came, I talked about my weekend and at the end I said, “And then on Sunday we all went to church.”
Just like that.
The words just tumbled out. Oh, yes, church. Go there all the time. I love Jesus.
I was convinced that my teacher would see through my feeble attempt to come across as a devout Christian but she didn’t say anything. And for the rest of the school year, I had no problem telling everyone in class that I went to church on Sundays. Of course, at that age I never saw the irony that I was lying about going to church and thus, committing a sin in the eyes of god, but whatever. At least I fit in.
My second biggest lie was after we moved away from the Cuban neighborhood to this area called Pinecrest. If Southwest Dade was predominantly Cuban then Pinecrest was all white people. Like the white people I would see on tv shows. They were blonde and tan and had names like Jessica and Jennifer.
My new neighborhood had a lot of kids my age. Every single girl was blonde. All the houses had swingsets on their front yard and a basket ball hoop on top of their garage. Our house had weird smells of fish stew emanating from the kitchen. Other kids were allowed to roam around their house with their soiled sneakers. We had to leave our shoes by the door and come in barefoot.
My family and I stuck out like a cold sore.
When the girls finally introduced themselves to me, they said their names were Holly, Claire, Jennifer, Allison.
It was my turn.
I told them my name was Jennifer.
To me, Jennifer seemed like the most American of American names. And in that instant I had a new biography. Isn’t that what America was all about? To carve yourself a better identity? And in my eyes, I was a Christian girl named Jennifer.
Amazingly, my parents never noticed that all these kids were calling me by a totally different name. So this advanced my new identity. Until we started school and my teacher called out my real name.
So that’s when I learned my two biggest lessons about lying. One, you will always get caught. And two, when creating a new identity for yourself, it is probably unwise to give fake names to people that go to your school.

July 22nd, 2008 at 3:07 pm
I got nervous as heck talking about my home life as well at the Catholic elementary school that I attended. I didn’t lie though. Although I did feel awfully left out when all the kids did confession and communion and all that.
July 23rd, 2008 at 3:36 am
when i was a kid in ukraine (it was still communist and part of the ussr at the time) there was lots of prejudice against jews. everytime some kid would say something stupid about the jews I’d lift my fist and say, i’m jewish, you want to repeat what you just said.
lucky for me i was a cute little blonde girl with blue eyes and everyone thought me and my little fist was just adorable and they agreed that other jews must be as cute as me… but i was lucky my classmates were just ignorant not violent.
coming to america for me meant i was able to finally be ME and even my last name that I share with Cory that ends in ‘man’ is one of the most common ones! who knew! ….now if there was anything to be done about my very russian/ukrainian FIRST name… but i got over it
thanks for sharing, ps in my culture we also take shoes off upon entering a house.
July 23rd, 2008 at 8:39 am
My best friend Keri and I told everyone our names were Jennifer in 1st grade. It was like the coolest name! And I don’t know if it had anything to do with the fact that we were both the only Jamaican-American kids in the class…definitely NOT blonde. But we wanted to live the dream of the “Jennifers”!
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:17 am
Gosh that is so much better than breaking shit and saying your 1 year old sister did it.
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:22 am
omg i love hearing these stories!
jack-i always knew you were too good of person not to lie. way to make me look bad!
alexandra-good for you for standing up for yourself! i could’ve used your moxie at that age.
sophia–you’ll always be my jamaican half!
m.e.-too cute.
July 24th, 2008 at 11:34 am
When I transfered to a new school I also said my name was Jennifer, but they sent me to the principals’ office. I thought it was because I’m a boy. Turns out they thought I looked more like a Claire.