I’m a Jinius

2007 was a great year. Lets take a trip down memory lane and look at the events that have inspired and molded the Jinius blog. Because here at the Jinius blog, I remind you of the stupid shit we did over the past year so you don’t have to.

Lets see…we kicked 2007 off with a bang. (more…)

Do you guys hear that sound?

Come closer.

A little closer…

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK WHAT YOU HEAR IS MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK!!!!!!!

That other sound you hear is the pounding of my head.

I went balls to the wall last night. My friends Elissa, Chris,and Niki threw a swanky holiday party. I’m talking an array of meat, cheese, and even home made crab dip– which I didn’t try but could smell it on everyone else. There was some serious stank breath going on last night.

The highlight of the evening was Lisa’s baby. His name is Nico and he is so cute I wanted to eat him. I don’t understand how parents stop themselves from eating their children. I think Lisa was trying to hide her baby from me for fear that I was going to eat him. If I had kids I would just stare at their cuteness all day until they pooped. Then I would hand them over to my husband or Caribbean nanny.

This is Lisa and her baby Nico. I’m going to eat him!

But last night’s party definitely reinforced the fact that while I am coveting children I am not ready to look after them because I don’t even have the wherewithal to change out of my clothes at the end of the night. Yeah, I woke up this morning in my cocktail dress and tights. I hope that my future husband will be more judicious and also have the decency to change my clothes for me.

I can just imagine the conversation:

“Honey, you should probably change into pajamas.”
“Fuck off.”
“You’re going to ruin a really nice dress.”
“You’re a gurly man.”
“Can you please stop saying that in front of the children?”
“You ruined my life.”

When I wasn’t drinking or gawking at babies, I was making love to meat on a stick–that’s not a euphemism!–and catching up with friends. I saw my friend Kenny and his girlfriend Karen. They are both very smart, very good looking, and very nice. Obviously I hate them.

I also ran into Craig Baldo who is a very funny comedian and a nice guy. I think. I always run into him at the point in the evening when I start seeing everything in threes. He could be a serial killer for all I know. Come to think of it… he does kinda kinda look like a serial killer. Anyway, Craig was giving me good advice about writing and comedy but I think he was just being nice so he could kill me later.

This is Craig. He is about to murder someone.

Now lets take a look at the rest of the pics, shall we? Note how the photos get shoddier as the evening progresses.

Hello, fabulous!

What the fuck am I aiming at?

These guys look like they are having a serious conversation. Obviously I hate them.

Seriously, someone give me a glass of water.

I need new friends.

Time to go home!