The problem with being a party girl is that you are always expected to be a party girl.

If you decide to take it easy one night, you will get more boos from your friends than amateur night at the Apollo. Going home at midnight is considered anathema. Declining a round of shots is insanity. You will feel more like a freak for not drinking than for taking body shots off of random strangers. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.

But I did manage to get into some shenanigans this weekend without having to go balls to the wall.

This is the Jinius guide to taking it easy:

Friday

My friend Kinan is in town from L.A. and my friend Steve is back in town from France so the whole gang meets up at Tapeo 29 for tapas and sangria. Kinan commented that my friends were really international. Yes, I like to befriend freaks from all over the globe. I hope we didn’t scare her with our freakiness. All we did was sing theme songs from Disney cartoons. In the restaurant.

Afterwards, I head over to Cherry Tavern to say hello to Meredith who is there with some friends. I chat with one fellow who is particularly easy on the eyes. Meredith comes up to me and offers some interesting background info.

Meredith: He used to be an Abercombie model
Me: Really?!
Meredith: Well, like ten years ago.

Some of the guys try to pressure me into doing a shot of Southern Comfort but I decline. I may have laughably low will power but you will never force me to do a shot that smells like the devil’s bathroom.

Then I go home and watch While You Were Sleeping. Now I know why people go out drinking on Friday nights. I regret passing up that shot of Southern Comfort.

On Saturday, I go to my coffee shop and wait in line to order a sandwich when I start sweating heavily and feel my stomach about to come out of my mouth. I run to the bathroom and projectile. Some woman accidentally opens the door and probably thinks I’m the next Tracie Gold. The 6 block walk home is HELLACIOUS. Every smell triggers more nausea and I curse myself for living in the East Village and not some odorless land. (more…)