Sat 8 Dec 2007
fellas, you’ve been warned
Posted by thejinius under writing after a couple of glasses of wine
Ever since my traumatic long johns experience, I have been wary of undergarments that extend past my ass.
So you can understand why I’m not rushing to buy Spanx–the latest fashion craze that has everyone from Gwyneth Paltrow to girls on the Upper East Side wearing the body slimming hosiery. The tights putatively make you look 5-10 pounds thinner. Fabulous! But they’ve been compared to girdles and granny panties. Faux Fabulous!
And now guys are protesting the illusory effects of the Spanx.
From the New York Observer:
“I really detest Spanx,” said Jimmy Jellinek, former editor in chief of Maxim . “I feel like it’s a total bait and switch. You get it off and all of a sudden it’s like a fucking flab-alanche! It just comes out like a snow bank falling from a crevasse.”
Er…sorry this post is going to suck because I’m still laughing over flab-alanche.
When I wasn’t laughing over flab-alanche, I was struck by another point in the article about how women felt more body confident when wearing Spanx but still felt self conscious enough that they wouldn’t hook up with a guy for fear that he’d discover the granny panties. So not only are they a girdle but they’re like chastity belts. So then what’s the point of wearing something uncomfortable if you’re not even going to hookup with a guy afterward? Or are you trying to tell me that you don’t always have to go home with the guy at the end of the night? Ohhhhh….
Now I kinda wanna buy a pair of Spanx and see what the hullabaloo is all about. Can I wear them to the beach?
December 12th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
We have these panties in the UK. Trinny and Susannah who did a TV show called “What Not To Wear” named them ‘magic knickers’.
Love your blog, it’s very funny.
December 12th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
“Magic knickers” hilarious. I guess that sounds better than granny panties!
December 18th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
My wife sells Spanx, she’s a manufacturers rep for them. All the idiot guys who think they are being duped are the idiot guys that are going to treat the woman like sh!t anyway. F’em, that’s what I say.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Yeah I say screw it too. But I do bust out the biker shorts I have had since sophomore year in high school when I was still on a gymnastics team so that my “flab-alanche” doesn’t come out from under my super short dresses.