I feel like I’ve finally paid off the karmic debt from last year. A little bit of background: I was sorta seeing a guy friend. I left him and went back to my ex-boyfriend.  Then guy said  he never wanted to talk to me again (or something like that). A year later, I had the exact same thing happen to me ( or something like that). Karma’s a bitch. And the gods have an interesting sense of humor.

Now I should have a clean karmic slate, right?  My friend Sabbie says that karma is really just about positive thinking. And that he’s the one that should have bad karma now. That’s right. Don’t the buddhists believe that one should also be compassionate and understanding?

Anyway, I’m turning (gulp) twenty-eight in a couple of weeks. I’m going to tell people I’m twenty-five because the first three years of my life don’t really count. I mean, if you can’t talk, eat, or go to the bathroom without assistance, then are you really living? So, yeah, I’m turning twenty-five. Or twenty-eight if you believe in technicalities.

Like break-ups, there is something about another birthday that makes you re-evaluate your life. I can’t believe I’m going to be almost thirty.  I really thought I’d be knocked up with a book deal by now. What happened? Oh, I know my “twenties’ happened. That decade of booze, bad boyfriends, and…booze.

If karma really is about positive thinking then I’m going to positively believe that this is the year for me. My friend Vic likes to say “word sound is power”. If I ever said anything negative about myself like “Oh, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have children” she would yell at me and tell me not say that out loud because if you start believing those negative thoughts then those thoughts start to manifest in your life. Like the Pygmalion effect or self-fulfilling prophecy.

So I guess I’ll remain positive while I cry a tear in my green tea martini on my birthday. But if I could maintain my good karma or positive thinking or however you like to call it, then this would be my wish list for the next couple of years:

1. I would be working professionally as a writer.
2. I would have a house, with a pool, and a tree house. I’ve always wanted a tree house. I guess I’m too old for one now but I would build one for my unborn children.
3.  Oh, yeah, I would have children.
4. I would have girls because they are so much easier to raise than boys. Trust me, I have two younger brothers.
5. But I would not have kids until I made it as a writer first.
6. I guess I would need a husband.
7. Okay, so I’d have a house, kids, and a husband
8. And we’d live in a town where I didn’t have to drive
9. Or I could learn how to drive
10. And I’d learn how to cook. Or I’d go to Whole Foods and buy those pre-made meals
11. Oh, yeah, I’d have to live near a Whole Foods
12. I would have kids with a good sense of humor. I really hope I don’t have boring kids.
13. I guess this means I would have to marry someone with a good sense of humor so that our humor genes could combine and create comedically gifted children.
14. I hope I don’t have ugly kids.
15. Ideally I’d like to write full-time so I could work from home. If I never had to work in an office and with other people again then that would be too soon. I am not a team player. I do not play well with others. So being an anti-social writer would be my ideal work environment.

If I still have this blog a couple of years now, it’ll be interesting to see how much of this list actually comes true. I think it’s good that I aimed high. My aim is not so good so by aiming high I might just aim it right in the bulls eye.