My friends and I like to throw theme parties.

For my birthday party in October, we threw a “pan-asian” theme party at China One where everyone dressed in kimonos and other Asian inspired ensembles. It was just an excuse for me to live out my Memoirs of a Geisha fantasy and dress in a sexy kimono (from Forever 21).

Whenever I conceive costume ideas (which is all the time), the number one priority is that I will be able to dress in a provocative fashion. I don’t understand these people who intentionally want to look maldeformed with fake, misshapen teeth or rubber masks that feign skin deformities. Call me crazy but when I dress up I like to appear attractive. Or promiscuous. If there’s any way to make the costume tighter, shorter, and sluttier then I am all up in it. I’m not really sure what this says about me (that I’m a hoe ?) but sexiness is a very important aspect of any costume.

So for Vic’s going away party we decided to have a 90s rap video theme and channel our inner (or in my case very extroverted) video hoe. Sabbie’s parents were generous and kind enough to host the party at their lovely house in Dirty Jerz.

We picked up a bottle of Alize, some HOEgardens (get it?!?!), and even a pack of Newport cigarrettes.

Now the outfits. Oh dear, it was a little frightening how much we enjoyed the dressing up process. Sabbie’s parents were such good sports and helped us craft our outfits like they were Tina Knowles. “Your jewelry should be in the same color palette!” Sabbie’s dad barked as we foolishly tried to match gold and silver bling (the mistake of amateurs) They handed us a treasure trove of costume jewelery and we adorned ourselves in a cascade of shiny gold necklaces and bracelets.

Oh, and did I mention we wore bikinis and walked around in heels? Yes, I managed to find a pair of 4 inch heels from a Marshalls in Jersey and also a bronze lame bikini for Sabbie (it was only 15 dollars and probably flammable).

We also had the pleasure of picking up our guests from the bus stop in our party outfits. I’m surprised we didn’t get arrested for indecent exposure of fake bling. But if we did get pulled over we would have said, “Officer, is it a crime to be this fabulous?”

We picked up our friend Seaniman (Vic conceived this nickname!) from the bus stop and he was wearing a Nike headband. I said hip hop not hip ster! He defended himself by saying, “Well, you said hip hop and I thought loud colors”. I examined his outfit. He was wearing a green shirt and canary yellow shorts. Okay, I suppose that is hip hop. And he brought us a bottle of Hennesey which definitely completed the ensemble.

Back at the party, we made a little VIP section at the corner of the deck where we had bottle service of Alize and Hennessy. And by bottle service I mean we all drank out of the bottle and passed it around. Hey, I said ghetto fabulous. We also had a never ending playlist of 90s hip hop tunes thanks to the cd collection of Sabbie’s sister. Coolio. DMX. En Vogue. Method Man. Junior Mafia. Holla!

And a ghetto fabulous theme party would not be complete without an evening of…karaoake. Yes, deep down we’re really just suburban kids who want to sing “Hey Jude” at the top of our lungs.