Thu 4 Oct 2007
middle school…or that time i had no friends
Posted by thejinius under childhood trauma
You know how they say if you were never molested as a child then you were an ugly kid?
Well, I think if you were never traumatized as a child then you never turn into a funny adult. (I’m not sure how this hypothesis correlates with the first sentence but there’s a meaning in there somewhere.)
But think about it. The best comedians and comedy writers had harrowing childhoods. Chris Rock got beat up by white kids. Judd Apatow was the last one picked in gym class. Chris Farley was obese. Tina Fey wasn’t good at math.
But thanks to middle school I now have a sense of humor. My first year in middle school was probably the worst experience in my entire life. I had glasses the size of my face. I wore clothes that my relatives sent me from Korea because they were cheaper. So instead of wearing a GUESS shirt I wore GEUSS. Oh, and I was like the only Asian in a school in Miami.
So the hierarchy of cool kids went like this:
White guys with facial hair
White girls who were Jewish
Cuban kids who looked white
Black kids who looked like they would beat up white guys
Learning disabled kids
Kids with fake body parts
Math nerds
Science nerds
Band nerds
Me
I’m not exaggerating when I say I had no friends. Our classes were divided into Advanced and Regular. I was in the advanced classes and most of my friends from elementary school were in Regular. But I wanted so badly to be in Regular. I just wanted to be Regular!
Lunch was the worst part of the day. Imagine three hundred screaming kids in a cafeteria that smelled of cheese and chocolate milk. I sat with this one girl Alice and her friends and one day one of the girls turned to me and said, “Why do you eat lunch with us? No one talks to you.”
So I would go to the library during lunch. I read alot of magazines. Mostly Teen and Seventeen. I was obsessed with the articles titled “How to be popular” or “How to get clear skin”. I also read ALOT of Archie comics and Reader’s Digest–especially the humor section. I also wrote alot of short stories and skits. You could say I used comedy as a coping mechanism. Or a substitute for friends.
Eventually I made some friends. I befriended the one other Asian girl Nguyen Nguyen. She didn’t have many friends either because her first and last name were exactly the same. And she always wore the same white, collared shirt to school. She was gorgeous though. See, only in Miami would a gorgeous Asian girl be ridiculed.
And then through Nguyen Nguyen I met some of the drama nerds. We would even eat lunch together and hangout in Spillout. Spillout was a post-lunch break where all the kids hangout in this outdoor area and watch the black girls get into fights and pull eachother’s weave. It was inspiring.
Around this time our school was holding student government elections. Seventh graders could run for Secretary. I decided I wanted to run. I don’t know what made me think I could possibly win. My only friends were Nguyen Nguyen and the future gay men of America. But I really wanted to run for student government. All the popular kids were in student government. If you were in student government you could do the afternoon announcements and get out of fifth period early. I so wanted that!
I was up against this girl Christie. She was a brown haired, blue eyed cheerleader. I was running against a cheerleader. That is like an honest democrat running against George Bush. There was no way in hell I was going to win.
So I passed out tons of hand painted stickers that said Vote for Me. I enlisted my artsy friend Lisa to make my posters. Because I wasn’t in a real clique I befriended all the outsiders like the black kids who liked to read. Actually, unlike most of the kids at my school, I had a lot of black friends. I befriended the black jocks because I was on the track team and the black dancers because I was in The Flysteppers. Isn’t funny how middle school elections reflect the elections in this country? Don’t ignore the black vote!
Election Day came. I prepared a televised speech. Yes, I had to speak in front of a camera. Votes were tallied at the end of the day and announced over the speakers.
And guess what?
I won. Yes, the nerd beat the cheerleader. You didn’t think I was going to give you a story without a happy ending did you? I don’t know how I won. Or who I must have paid to miscount the votes. But I won.
I still wasn’t popular. I joined the drama department and hungout with theater geeks. But I had friends.
(This post is dedicated to my friends Sabbie and Prom Date and the former nerds of America who are now funny as hell. Actually, Prom Date wasn’t a nerd but he went to my middle school and is funny as hell.)

October 4th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Maybe the school administrator who counted the votes felt bad for you and stuffed the ballot? Did I just ruin it for you??
You’re alright in my book, you’re a Jinius!
October 4th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Jinius strikes again. The post today is particularly interesting to me 1) because I got a dedication (holla!), but 2) because I had a similarly MISERABLE TIME in school, only for me it was elementary school. Middle school wasn’t all that bad for me.
By middle school, we were mature enough to handle rejection relatively…maturely. As Jinius writes, the reactions to the stupid assholes consisted of disappointment, sure, but also constructive behavior: reading, writing, running for office, hiding lunch meat in someone’s desk until the stink was unbearable. You know, adult reactions.
Contrast with elementary school where the main reaction was: tears. I had almost precisely the same experience as did Jinius in a rank cafeteria. I sat down on the first day of school–must have been fourth grade. It was the “cool” table. Now, I was in a strange position of being at once formally and consistently rejected by the “cool” crowd while being, myself, un-accepting of the “uncool” crowd. Ponder that for a minute. I was a unique kind of douche bag.
Overall, I think I really meant well…promise. I remember Susan Bloom turning to me after I sat down that first day of school with: “what are YOU doing here?”
Cue: Crushed child. Cried for hours. Was absolutely terrible. Needed huggie from Mommy.
It’d be nice to say that the people who tortured me (purely psychologically but for one occasion) grew up to be hateful fuckers worthy of administrative jobs under fluorescent lights for all eternity. Indeed, some of those fuckers grew up to be bigger, puckered asshole fuckers, but some of them actually grew up to be good people–I think that in early childhood kids are more direct reflections of their parents, and asshole parents were *abound* in our neighborhood.
It took me some time to get over my first years in school. I genuinely felt tortured and worthless; I recall being convinced that every Friday night there were parties that I simply wasn’t invited to. Importantly, this could have been complete fiction, but I was convinced nonetheless.
I will say that it’s character building. I like to think that I’m more sensitive than I otherwise would be as a result of these experiences; I am concerned with how people feel and I react viscerally to folks who mistreat others…without cause. Hell, I can’t be that bad; I am PROM DATE!
Oh, I totally voted for the Jinius, and I’d do so again.
October 5th, 2007 at 6:39 am
lol! i read reader’s digest too!!! all those popular kids turned out fat gross out anyway. they already had their highpoint in life. congrats to student council!! hahaha.
October 5th, 2007 at 8:13 am
scott-um yeah i dont think the administrators at are school knew how to count. it wasn’t a very good school.
prom date-well, just think, you went from being shunned at the cafeteria table to being asked to the prom 4 years in a row. Yes, ladies, he’s available and can take you to prom. Just, um, check the statutory rape laws in your state. I’m a jinius not a defense attorney!
pinknest-you’re right all the popular kids had their heyday in middle and high school. all the nerds are now their bosses. haah.
October 5th, 2007 at 9:23 am
cheers to the downtrodden and dramatic. may i note you were also president of alliance of the arts?
October 5th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Ji - Margaret Cho heard you were building a strong Korean comedy base so have you seen the news? she’s moved into doing BURLESQUE. So girl go get yourself some pasties and have a k-town burlesque beat down. that’d be one heck of a diva death match.
PS - I’m officially ’spoken for’
October 5th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Oh. My. God. That is me. But chinese.
I used to read books while walking up the stairs and in the hallway. I’m pretty sure I ran away once when someone tried to introduce themselves to me.