So in an effort to alienate readers I decided, henceforth, that all my blog titles will be references to hip hop/r&b songs from the mid to late nineties because–in my humble opinion–(which is the only opinion!) that era is the apex of hip hop. The Apex!!!

Just got back from dc and had a much better time than on my last visit. All my long time readers will know why this is the case and unfortunately (fortunately) for the new readers I already deleted that old post. That’s the great thing about blogs. You can post the most intimate details of your life and then delete them!

Got there on monday. Walked around Dupont Circle and that whole area. So cute! I was surprised to see so many joggers in DC. Must be nice to run without inhaling car exhaust.

Decided to treat myself to a nice dinner at Hank’s Oyster Bar. I kinda felt like that scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall– “We have a loner here! Just one!” I sat at the bar with this week’s issue of New York mag (represent!) and ordered a glass of Viognier.

Then I asked the bartender if I should get the lobster roll or the short ribs dinner and he said the lobster roll is pretty light and the short ribs dinner is pretty heavy so I ordered the short ribs dinner. The short ribs was as thick as a log and it came with a side of collard greens and mac n cheese. The bartender said he was pretty sure I could make a dent in it. Ummm, I didn’t put a dent in it because I finished THE ENTIRE PLATE. I even licked the cheese off the bottom of my mac n cheese dish. Cholesterol what?

The next day I went to a conference and it was really awesome. I felt like I was in that Blind Melon video when the bee girl runs into all the other people dressed in bee costumes and it’s like omg I belong somewhere!!!! So that was very cool. Meeting people my age interested in the same things. It made me think that maybe a move to DC would be a great strategic decision for my professional life. AND its pedestrian friendly!

After the conference, a bunch of us grabbed drinks at the 18th street lounge and then I had to catch my train back to ny. It was kidna sad. All the conference participants live and work in dc and I had to go back home in my bee costume. But thank god home is Manhattan and not bumble fuck. I quickly got over it when I took a cab back to my apartment. Oh, hellooo lover!

In other news, remember the whole Hills situation I felt like I was in? Well, my biggest concern was running into the people who didn’t invite me to their party and I ended up crashing the party. Ha. And then I got a text from hot bartender and all was forgotten. Except the annoying thing about him which was also the problem I had with the 25 yr old is that he texts me and then doesn’t follow through. Like, don’t keep texting me if you’re not gonna seal the deal. I’m only interested in bilateral relations here! I don’t need this back and forth of texting!

The next night I met up with Elissa and Vidya for dinner at Casimir and noticed that they also have a very hot bartender. Very scruffy and tattooes all over his arms. Hmmm. Shut it down, Jinius.

Afterwards, Elissa and I went to a fake mustache party and adorned our faces in pink mustaches. The highlight of the evening was going to this belgian bar and fifty of us in fake mustaches just storm the place and the two bartenders dont know how to react because clearly they must have never worked in an nyc bar before because they acted like we were just a mad mob of people and hello, this is a typical night at any other bar. Anyway, the bartender said he couldn’t handle my order before taking care of other people but he was just chatting away with people so Elissa told him that was not very cool and the best part was that she was saying all this with her fake mustache on.

Fake mustaches say, “Don’t eff with us!”

Oh and then I ended up chatting with this one dude because, clearly, men are turned on by pink mustaches and while the rest of the fake stache crew hit another bar, me and the dude stayed. He was Euro and in town for a week. He had on black framed glassses a la Daniel Liebskind and wore a red and white checkered kiffeyeh a la Arafat. At first I thought he was cute but then he really started to annoy me and I think it’s because, well, how do I say this without sounding mean?

I’m not attracted to European men.

And I think it’s because, well, how can I articulate this…

They are cheesy.

And they ain’t too proud to beg which is also a huge turn off. I told him I was tired and going home and he was like “C’mon, please, have one more drink with me.” And I was like, why you all up in my grill?

So lets hear it for American men, y’all. They may not always remember to hold doors or remember to shower but they always remember to act aloof and sullen. Hot!

On Sunday, met up with Liz and some peeps at Cafe Mogador for brunch. Even though I love Mogador’s brunch I have to say it’s not very filling. I was this close to going to Jules next door and ordering a burger. But I didn’t. Because society likes to promulgate the idea that being morbidly obese is not that hot.

So, yeah, that was my week. It was interesting to go to dc this second time around. While I was out having dinner ALONE I contemplated calling up the boy who shall not be named but lives in dc and knows I have a blog so if you’re reading this just please stop right now!

But I didn’t call cuz I didn’t have his number anyway.

Anyway, sometimes its nice to just be alone. You don’t have to share your mac n cheese and you can people watch with abandon.

And then you just appreciate it so much more when you run into your other bee people.