According to the NY Times, I may have seasonal affective disorder:

“Sex drive often dwindles markedly but is often replaced by an insatiable appetite for carbohydrates — breads, pasta, potatoes, rice and sweets — that results in weight gain”

See, when men breakup with someone they stick their key in every ignition. When women break up they stick their tongue in pasta, icecream, kimchee. Okay, maybe just this woman.

The thought of being carnal with someone new bores me. I’d probably be thinking “are we done yet?” And having them sleep over is even worse. I don’t want to cuddle with you, please leave. If I’m going to do the deed I prefer going to the man’s place so that I can leave anytime I want. Once I was so desperate to leave that at 7 in the morning I told the baffled gentleman that I had a breakfast meeting with a woman I used to babysit for. I was out faster than he could say “Breakfast meeting???”

I don’t want to do the pantsless dance but I would like a smoochie. Like a really nice, slow, surreptitious kiss in a hidden corner of a bar. Yeah, I could handle that.