So this Thanksgiving I went to my friend B’s place. I went to his place last year for Thanksgiving and he always has the most amazing food. Like home made chest nut icecream or moon shine.

This year there were about seven of us who gathered at B’s place. I wasn’t very good friends with any of them. I had met them a few times before. Right before dinner we had to tell everyone what we were grateful for. I was the first person to go so I said:

“I’m grateful that I don’t have herpes.”

Silence.

The people at the table don’t even look at me. There is probably more eye contact at a Planned Parenthood.
One of the guys at the table says, “What did you just say?”
“I’m glad I don’t have herpes? I mean, I’m glad I don’t have a cold sore…”

The guy leaves the table and goes into another room to smoke a cigarrette.

I look to my friend. What the hell did I say that could have offended him?
So my friend says:
“He had a bad bout with herpes and he’s a little sensitive about it.”

I nearly die. I mean, I’m ready to just cry right there. I never felt so bad in my life. I thought herpes was the one safe terrain in comedy where everyone could laugh but apparently it is not anymore.

So for the rest of the dinner I am known as the girl that brought up herpes at Thanksgiving dinner.

(I wrote this while drunk last night. Maybe I am a genius…)