Friday
Went to Paladar for Amy’s birthday soiree. After a couple of mojitos, we started talking about the differences between nyc women and out of state women. One of the guys in the group said that you can always tell which group of women at a bar aren’t from New York. First, they are usually blonde or have layered haircuts a la Rachel in the early 90s. Second, they all wear boot cut or flared jeans and black, square toed boots. Third, they smile too much (New York women don’t smile we have wry grins). Fourth, they were dark lip liner and frosted eye make up. Fifth, they have fake tans (Most New York women are very pale. It’s from spending too much time commuting underground).

After Pdar we went to Cafe Charbon for champagne and dancing. It’s actually more economical to buy a bottle of champagne than to buy individual glasses. So after inhaling the first bottle we were all in the mood for JT’s Sexyback so I went up to the DJ and asked, “Do you have any Justin Timberlake?” “No,” he said. “You don’t have Justin??? Do you have Beyonce???” “No.”

I couldn’t believe he didn’t have Sexyback or Bootilicious. And he calls himself a DJ!

Then later there was this tall, gangly, pale man staring at my girlfriends who were dancing away. He talked to us later and asked us what we thought of his dancing. So I said, “You were kinda weird.” “Why?” he asked. “Because you kept staring at my friends like a weirdo.”

Saturday
After yoga I went to this spa in soho for a brazilian. The woman basically ridiculed me for my lack of maintenance. Look, I was going through my asexual/can’t look at other boys phase and now I’m slowly getting back on the saddle, okay! So stop laughing at me! And why the F does this hurt so much right now!!!!!

After the humiliating waxing experience, I went to Elissa’s apartment and what started out as a lovely dinner of pasta, wine and cheese turned into a conversation about mushroom stamps (again!) and people who don’t appreciate bathroom humor. My favorite line of the evening is when my friend said, “We should give them roofies and then crap all over them.”

Brilliant. Are you writing this down, folks?

We decided that we were in the mood for board games but after deeming Trivial Pursuit too difficult after only 4 questions, we played the drinking game Asshole instead. This was my first time playing so of course I ended up being the asshole and had to wear what was definitley THE UGLIEST HAT EVER MADE. I mean, it was the kind of hat that even Willy Wonka would refuse to wear for fear of scaring the children. The only way I could get out of wearing the hat was to chug a bottle of Amstel. So I did. Gee, the things you gotta do to get out of wearing THE UGLIEST HAT EVER MADE.

Actually, I had no right to complain about the hat. I was still in my yoga clothes and WEARING SPANDEX. And in front of BOYS. I don’t think anyone should ever be subjected again to the sight of my thighs in elastic material.

Sunday
Went for a three mile run to eliminate the wine and cheese bloating from the night before. Then me, Vic, and Sabbie went to New York Theater Workshop to see the new Alan Ball play, “All That I Will Ever Be.” Alan Ball created the tv show Six Feet Under and was the screenwriter of American Beauty. You can tell he’s written alot for the screen as his new play is comprised of a bunch of vignettes which are strung together to tell the story of Omar, a middle eastern immigrant living in LA. The play has Ball’s usual themes of identity, sexuality, and fitting in. And familiar characters like the cold, detached father and the self absorbed, heavily medicated kids.

The play is definitely engaging and I encourage you all to see it. It reminded me a bit of Stephen Adly Guirgis’ play Our Lady of 121st street in terms of the use of vignettes and tv show structure (Guirgis also writes for tv). But I think I liked Guirgis’ work better.

Alan Ball’s dialogue is snappy, sleek, and self conscious and you will definitely laugh outloud (I did many times. And was the ONLY PERSON laughing during a serious scene) and the characters tell us everything that they are thinking without really revealing who they are. Whereas Guirgis is all about the subtext and lets the audience figure out 1+1.

But Alan Ball is a deft writer and astute observer of American culture and his self conscious dialogue is a reflection of our overly self analytical, self aware lives (hello, a blogger talking here!) And he manages to make us feel both horror and compassion for his characters. So you should see the Sunday evening shows because tickets are only 20 bucks!