So I decided to bite the bullet and hire a trainer. I need to get this lobster roll ass back into shape before parading around in a bikini…which evidently will be happening on Friday since I’m going away this weekend…can I get Jessica Alba’s ass in 4 days?

My trainer is awesome and makes me hold twenty pound weights in each arm even though the heaviest thing I’m used to carrying is a pint of Hoegarden. When I implore him to stop and allow me a twenty minute rest period, he laughs in my face and tells me “you’re alot stronger than you think you are.” Such cruelty!

He is making me keep a food log of all my meals. I’m meeting with him after work today but I’m not sure if I should show him my food diary. He might scream. Or call the people over at AA.

Friday
Lunch- PBJ sandwich
Dinner-whole wheat pasta with chickpeas, half a bottle of rose
After dinner-some lemon vodka cocktail, makers mark on ice, two pear vodkas with soda, two brooklyn weiss beers, a kamikaze shot, a lemon drop shot, a budweisser
After drinks-come home and finish leftovers of pasta…approximately two bowls

Saturday
Lunch-blood mary, cheeseburger with fries dipped (drenched) in ketchup and mayo, donut hole
Dinner- bowl of pasta w/chickpeas

Sunday
Breakfast-bowl of pasta
Lunch/Dinner- Ssam (an Asian style burrito) with pork, rice, and veggies
Drinks-A Brooklyn lager, three 16 oz Paulaners, a pint of Arcadia wheat beer, three pint size hoegardens, two stellas, a glass of whiskey

Monday
Lunch-a bowl of miso ramen with slices of pork
Snack- a chocolate/peanut butter/and banana shake from Shake Shack
Dinner-Mac and Cheese