I’ve lived in New York for about ten years and have been to Chinatown three or four times. It’s not that I have anything against ethnic enclaves (only the ones with “little” or “town” in the name) but I try to avoid densely populated areas as much as possible (large groups of minorities smell funny).*

So when tourists ask me how to get to Chinatown, I usually just point south and say, “Er…that way.”

My directions did not fly with these two tourist chicks yesterday. Annoying tourist number one kept asking, “Well, isn’t there a bus, cab, or subway to take to Chinatown?” I wanted to annoy her as much as possible so I said, “I’m not sure.”

These girls were about to strangle me with their fleece jackets. So after I explained to them that I had no idea how to get to Chinatown, annoying tourist number one goes, “How about we walk to where you told us to go and then ask someone else for directions when we get there?” And then she shoots me a fake smile that says, “Thanks for nothing. What kind of Asian doesn’t know how to get to Chinatown?” Um, hello, the kind of Asian that doesn’t know how to read maps!

I mean, what did they want from me? I get lost trying to find my apartment in the middle of the night (only happened twice).

*Please don’t send the Anti Defamation League of (fill in the blank) to this blog. I have no money.